metal v. crapcore

I’ve had enough.

I love metal, almost anything metal. However, it so happens that I tend not to like what people call [insert label here]core (henceforth crapcore, a catch-all for all core subgenres). When I hear something on SiriusXM Liquid Metal that I don’t like, 95% of the time when I look the band up it’s some crapcore shit. So I’ve had enough. As of today, I’m on a one man crusade against crapcore on SiriusXM Liquid Metal. In the last few months, there have been some comments on their Facebook page about this, but I wanted to stay away from all that. Not anymore.

There are so many great metal bands who get ZERO air time on Liquid Metal, while fucking garbage crapcore bands like Demon Hunter, Dillinger Escape Plan, and all that shit get played every fucking hour. Enough!

Time to think whether crapcore belongs with metal. I think not. What do you think?

From IWABO to Horse the Band

Horse the Band, really?

I can see myself thinking this is sooooo cool, ’cause I’m like you know, so groovy dude. This is so original because I don’t know shit, bro. My knowledge of music is so good dude, I fucking know that this band is the shit ’cause they mix Nintendo and metal together. It’s the new trendy shit, man: Nintendocore. Yeah, they say it with a straightface, ’cause they’re soooo original. I love whatever is original, like Nintendocore. If it were generated randomy by some programming script, I’d love it still, as long as it’s original. Those time signatures allow me to claim credibility, even if they don’t make any sense.

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 IWABO is a joke, a fake product like a lot of trendy crap with a pathetic lack of real originality. Horse the Band comes up with a concept that appeals to people who think that a Nintendo NES is the epitome of music. Fine. Or not. They play their junk on SiriusXM. So, someone somewhere  thinks we are dumb enough to like Horse the Band; hey, we went along with IWABO… This is sad.

Cock Rock Guitar (really)

Here’s the ultimate glam “metal”/cock rock guitar:

 

(Nightmarish image courtesy of Metalsucks.)

Don the Reader: they should have stuck to reading

Once again, trend prevails over talent. “Don the Reader” got a record deal against all odds and common sense, and even gets airplay on Liquid Metal with their grotesque waste of satellite bandwidth, “Human Esque.” According to their Myspace profile, they are “everything that Los Angeles isn’t.” Sounds like L.A. is a good place to move to. (No, I am not going to stain your screen by linking to their Myspace profile. Google it at your own risk.)

They proudly display a Metalsucks “endorsment” on Myspace, which by the way was about only one song that the band distributed for free–and that post only got nine comments since August 25. They also refer to a review by Mouth of War, but neglect to mention that the reviewer says that “the cacophony ends up taking on a repetitive nature as you’re left unsure if you’ve already heard a series of riffs previously on the album.” How a repetitive cacophony could lead a reviewer to give that album a score as high as 3.5/5 is beyond me. Anyway, if Don the Reader can  only find a score of 70% to promote their album, I think it says a lot. It’s like bragging about a C- to convince your old man to give you 15$ as a reward. Ain’t gonna work.

I’m not even sure it’s metal. Degenerate NYHC, perhaps. Certainly in the same Insanity League as I Wrestled a Bear Once. (I guess I just coined a new category for my blog!) Is this just another piece of junk that the industry is pushing through our good friend José?

Anyway, if you like that band please leave a message telling me why you believe it’s good. I want to understand. I really do. ‘Cause right now, I just don’t get it.

As I Lay Dying should actually lay down and die

Here’s a comment I posted on Blabbermouth:

As I Lay Dying is a talentless band-like-every-other-band. No problem there; many bands are like that, from all influences.

The problem with As I Lay Dying however, is that they are a Christian band. That makes them a Trojan horse in the metal world, regardless of what they will put down on music sheets.

Christians fully understand that music is a powerful tool for proselytising. Christian bands fully understand this, too. They taylor their lyrics to convert people, and they preach to whoever will be stoned enough to listen when they’re on tour.

It’s not “only about the music.” From their point of view, it’s about your soul and promoting their interpretation of the Bible.

Rant about Sirius Hard Attack – why so much Christian junk?

I really like Hard Attack. It’s not my #1 preset; it’s my only preset. Yet, I only enjoy about a tenth of what they play. Metal is so diverse, this is normal, you say. Can’t love everything.

Fuck that. I am open to a lot of stuff, from old Black Sabbath to ’70s Judas Priest, ’80s Trash, ’90s Death and Black, and now NWOAHM and even that French group, the soon-to-be global religion called Gojira.

However, any metalhead who thinks that music is just music denies the power of his own preferred art form. Art is a vehicle for ideas, music is art, and metal is music. Metal is a vehicle for ideas. Christians understand this very well. They seed the metal scene with their little bands, and they proselytise.

For them, it’st not “about the music.” It’s about your soul. And they want it. Ask any band who is openly Christian about this. They play music and like it, but if they can convert people with their lyrics and their interaction with fans and other bands, they won’t hesitate a single second.

Christian metal is a Trojan horse. It wants to domesticate metal, tame it and make it a tool for spreading Christianity. Christian metal musicians are heavily tattooed, but they promote the oldest institution in the Western World. They do their best to look like rebels, but they want nothing more than chat with their Minister every Sunday morning.

So, to go back to Sirius I guess they respond to what sells out there; but who the fuck is brain dead enough to buy crap like Underoath, As I Lay Dying, and Norma Jean?

If at least the music was good; but coincidentally these Christian bands have all decided to play that Metalcore crap. Is it because they are trying to hit on metal chicks?

Underoath – 10 years of wasting air breathing

Underoath, the well known religious emocore team of YMCA-ready idiots, continues to assault our intelligence with their new waste of storage space, “Lost in the Sound of Separation.” After 10 years of unrelenting assaults on logic and unwavering defense of the most mainstream institution in the history of Western Civilization, Underoath pursue their mission of making My Chemical Romance sound good.

Lyrics of loss and redemption by their imaginary friend (that would be god) only emphasize the fact that these guys promote the most straight, stuck-up, mainstream, intolerant of dissidents, and conformist institution you can possibly think of: Christianity. No matter how many tattoos you have, when you buy into that Jesus crap you are an enemy of metal: metal as counter-culture, alternative livestyle, rejection of mainstream values, and individual freedom. The Christian metal road leads us nowhere good, because they defend the most retrograde and dangerous form of thought control: absolutism.

Oh, and there’s something paradoxical to their lyrics: if they have found their savior, why all the anguish? The last song of the album is ambiguous on this: they found hope, but the title is “Desolate Earth… The End is Near.” Ok. It makes me think of all those Christians who look forward to World War III because Zombie Jesus will return to save the gullible believers.

Oh, as for the music: it’s really painful.

Available for streaming on Napster, for free (but why would you want to stain your RAM?).

I Wrestled a Bear Once = pure crap

Why is Sirius Hard Attack playing that crap a million times a day? Seriously people, there is nothing original to what I Wrestled a Bear Once (IWABO) does and I don’t understand why anyone would pay attention to them. In a review back at www.metal-archives.com, satanachrist666 nails it: “Unless you are a masochist, stay away from this release. The mental scars induced by this release may just make you never have the urge to listen to music again. If you dare listen to this then you will find something that is a very sick attempt at humor, and an even worse attempt at songwriting.”

I could not agree more. It’s another painful “experimental” band who thinks that they just have to deconstruct something and reconstruct it more or less randomly to look brainy, arty, and competent. It’s a gimmick that emphasizes style over substance. Sadly, it seems to work with some people, probably mostly with people who either suffer from multiple, severe personality disorders, and/or sniffed too much glue and/or PCP. Their “songs” got almost 1.5 millions hits on their myspace page (no I won’t link to it).

I really wish Sirius Hard Attack stopped molesting my ears and raping my brain by giving them airtime (and it is such a waste of air, time, bandwidth, electricity!). I know that Jose, who is responsible for programming Hard Attack, likes his Metalcore very much. But I think that with IWABO, Hard Attack is pushing it too far. As a matter of fact, Hard Attack is playing too much Metalcore plain and simple, but diversity is good so hey, some Metalcore once in a while is fine. Tolerance and respect have to stop at IWABO, however.

What say you?

Does it make sense for a band to be Christian and metal?

No, of course not. Of all the oxymorons that I can think of, this is the best. Christian metal. I have nothing against my Christian friends. But heavy metal and Christianity are antinomies. Heavy metal stands for rebellion, whereas Christianity stands for obedience to a very old and very, very institutionalized institution. Heavy metal stands for everything that St-Augustine warned Christians about: instinct, passion, lust, power, aggressivity, insubmission.

Christians are everywhere these days. They were always there, of course; but now some are vocal about their beliefs and their desire to impose them upon the rest of us. They could at least leave heavy metal, the devil’s music, alone, but no. They have to come in and pollute the airwaves on Hard Attack. And why is it that they’re all playing that metalcore crap??? Why??? I’m going to tell you why. Because metalcore is about redemption. What do you think?