Crop circles: mystery solved!

Kangaroos high as hell from eating opium poppies are the cause! http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8118257.stm

There you go.

Grammy Awards, once again working hard to be irrelevant

I am still trying to recover from the fact that Mastodon is not even nominated for a Grammy.

The list is not bad, with the usual suspects: Slayer, Megadeth, Ministry, Judas Priest, with (relatively) newcomers Lamb of God.

They’re not running the risk of repeating their 1989 fiasco.

But still, one has to wonder how they arrived at the conclusion that Mastodon did not deserve to even be nominated. This is bizarre. Just plain bizarre.

From IWABO to Horse the Band

Horse the Band, really?

I can see myself thinking this is sooooo cool, ’cause I’m like you know, so groovy dude. This is so original because I don’t know shit, bro. My knowledge of music is so good dude, I fucking know that this band is the shit ’cause they mix Nintendo and metal together. It’s the new trendy shit, man: Nintendocore. Yeah, they say it with a straightface, ’cause they’re soooo original. I love whatever is original, like Nintendocore. If it were generated randomy by some programming script, I’d love it still, as long as it’s original. Those time signatures allow me to claim credibility, even if they don’t make any sense.

—————————————————————–

 IWABO is a joke, a fake product like a lot of trendy crap with a pathetic lack of real originality. Horse the Band comes up with a concept that appeals to people who think that a Nintendo NES is the epitome of music. Fine. Or not. They play their junk on SiriusXM. So, someone somewhere  thinks we are dumb enough to like Horse the Band; hey, we went along with IWABO… This is sad.

Metallica wins a Grammy – Steals Recognition Away From Better Bands

So it is Metallica. No surprise, I suppose. The Grammys are a sad show. So many metal bands made better records than Metallica’s fake “going back to roots”, but we all knew they would win.

Metallica’s new album sucks, big time. It’s a clumsy collage of riffs, with no effort at making a good end product.

The list of nominees was not very inspiring this year, but they managed to pick the most stale, the most spent, the most packaged, metal band around and gave them some pop-rock recognition. Insane.

 

You know what? I am going to stick to Black Metal.

Gravest Catholic Sin: Genocide? Nope. It’s spitting out the Eucharist.

You know there’s something seriously fucked up about a belief system when they want you to eat human flesh. You know it’s fucked up beyond repair when its greatest sin is spitting out that human flesh instead of swallowing it.

Enter the Catholic Church. According to official Church doctrine, the Eucharist is the actual flesh of Jesus. Not a symbol of it, not an ersatz, but the actual flesh of Jesus (technically, he is “substantially present” in the Eucharist).

Since the Eucharsit is substantially the body of Jesus, desecration of the Eucharist is a grave sin. How grave? Only the Pope can absolve you of this sin. That’s right. Your friendly (too friendly to children?) local priest or bishop cannot receive your confession on this matter. Only the Pope can. However, you can confess whatever horrible act against any number of living persons to any random priest. Genocide; mass murder; the torture of children; the Holocaust; all are ranked as lesser sins than spitting out the Eucharist.

Some people argue that you can’t be moral without religion. Looks to me like you are more moral without religion.

Cock Rock Guitar (really)

Here’s the ultimate glam “metal”/cock rock guitar:

 

(Nightmarish image courtesy of Metalsucks.)

Don the Reader: they should have stuck to reading

Once again, trend prevails over talent. “Don the Reader” got a record deal against all odds and common sense, and even gets airplay on Liquid Metal with their grotesque waste of satellite bandwidth, “Human Esque.” According to their Myspace profile, they are “everything that Los Angeles isn’t.” Sounds like L.A. is a good place to move to. (No, I am not going to stain your screen by linking to their Myspace profile. Google it at your own risk.)

They proudly display a Metalsucks “endorsment” on Myspace, which by the way was about only one song that the band distributed for free–and that post only got nine comments since August 25. They also refer to a review by Mouth of War, but neglect to mention that the reviewer says that “the cacophony ends up taking on a repetitive nature as you’re left unsure if you’ve already heard a series of riffs previously on the album.” How a repetitive cacophony could lead a reviewer to give that album a score as high as 3.5/5 is beyond me. Anyway, if Don the Reader can  only find a score of 70% to promote their album, I think it says a lot. It’s like bragging about a C- to convince your old man to give you 15$ as a reward. Ain’t gonna work.

I’m not even sure it’s metal. Degenerate NYHC, perhaps. Certainly in the same Insanity League as I Wrestled a Bear Once. (I guess I just coined a new category for my blog!) Is this just another piece of junk that the industry is pushing through our good friend José?

Anyway, if you like that band please leave a message telling me why you believe it’s good. I want to understand. I really do. ‘Cause right now, I just don’t get it.